Lisa met Derrick when they were both extras on the set of Amy Poehler's Parks and Recreation. The two exchanged numbers, and Lisa made the first move. But as much as she liked Derrick, she was reluctant to let herself fall for him. At some point, she knew she would have to reveal the secret that had unraveled several of her former relationships: She's asexual. In fact, she says, she's "sex-repulsed."
At her New Jersey high school, Lisa, now 30, was "one of the unpopular kids," she says (she asked that I not disclose her full name). She felt alienated from her peers, and didn't realize her complete aversion to the idea of having sex wasn't typical. "When I got to college, I thought that if I dated a guy and told him that I didn't want to have sex, he would just say okay," she says. But her sophomore year, she realized "that it was normal for most people to want sex, and that a very, very, very small percentage of people didn't." When she shared her new awareness with her then-boyfriend, he abruptly stopped speaking to her. "He never actually broke up with me," she says. "He just disappeared."
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